"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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