I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Non-Jews are for practice
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
