Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
