We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
