I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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