I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
