Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
