I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
