I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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