Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
