It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
