i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
