break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
