she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
