How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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