This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize