and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
