And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
