Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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