dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
