I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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