I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
