he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize