In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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