Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
