No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
