he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
