I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
