Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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