so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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