Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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