we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
