Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
