i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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