I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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