he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
