I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
