Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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