Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
try to milk me bitch
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
