So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
