I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
