It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
