I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
