am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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