So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
