Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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