in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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