Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
