our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
