sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
