Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize