Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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