I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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