the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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