Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
