so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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