True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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