I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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