In the future we'll all be gay
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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