I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
