my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
there is puke in my bra ... again
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
