he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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