all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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