i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
