shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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