i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize