Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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