So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
