Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
