Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
