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Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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