Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
