i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
